‘I have perfect relationship with wife apart from the sex – she just isn’t interested’



Dear Coleen, I’m a man in my 30s and have been married for six years. My wife and I both work full-time, we have a lovely home and a three-year-old daughter – on paper it’s all perfect.

However, sex has been infrequent since we had our child and I don’t think this will ever change.

When we do it, it’s good, but my wife just isn’t that interested – she’s very absorbed in her job, her social life and our daughter.

There’s basically no space for us as a couple.

The thing is, I think she’s happy with the way things are, so for her it’s not an issue.

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It is for me though, and I don’t want to go through life having sex once in a blue moon.

Can you advise?

Coleen says

Well, you’re not happy and you can’t just carry on because it’s working for her. Look, it’s got to start with a conversation – a serious, sit-down discussion about the lack of intimacy and sex in your relationship. You’re a young couple and the relationship is simply not sustainable when one of you is this unhappy.

Only she can tell you why sex has slipped way down the agenda and it might be easier for her to talk about it in a psychosexual counselling situation.

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It’s not uncommon for sex to fall off the radar when you have a young child and busy lives,
but I think the issue here is that your wife seems perfectly OK with that.

It doesn’t seem to be simply a matter of scheduling time for each other and working on the romance, so you might need some professional help to work through the issues and encourage her to be honest about how she feels about sex and your marriage in general.


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