‘I’m so upset my no-strings sex partner has started dating another woman’

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Dear Coleen,

I’ve been in a casual sexual relationship with a guy for some time.

The other night, he told me he was taking another woman out for dinner and had met her son, and was obviously really excited about this new relationship.

He was talking to me like I was his mate and not someone he’s been sleeping with and sharing things with over the past few years.

When he was saying all this, I had to stop myself from crying because I suddenly realised how deeply I feel for him.

I feel like such a fool and that I’ve lost my chance to have a committed relationship with him.

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I knew going into this relationship that it was a no-strings thing and I agreed to it, but now I can’t deal with him getting serious about someone else.

My friends did warn me it would end in tears, but I ignored them and now it seems they might well be right.

What should I do – tell him I don’t want him dating other people or just accept that it’s not meant to be?

Coleen says,

Well, it’s hard at this point to turn round and tell him not to date other people because you went into this relationship with your eyes open, knowing it was a no-strings deal.

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Personally, I’m not a fan of the “friends with benefits” thing, one person inevitably goes into this arrangement wanting more from the relationship (even if they don’t know it at the time) than the other, but will accept anything in the hope the other person will change.

However, it’s a lesson learned that it can end in heartache. I think all you can say to him is that you’re hurt by what he said because it made you realise you do have deeper feelings for him and see how he reacts.

There’s always a chance he feels the same, but assumes you wouldn’t be ­interested.

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But, whether it works out with this other woman or not, don’t go back to having casual sex with him because you’ve acknowledged now that you’re emotionally attached.

And maybe you just have to accept that you’re not the kind of person who can be in this type of relationship – which is probably the case for most people – and that you want more from life. Open yourself up to the possibility. Good luck.

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